A Frank, Down-to-Earth Glimpse into the World of a Freshly Liberated Cougar Let Loose Online
I’m Eve and this is my story, told in numerous posts that date back to my first foray into the dubious world of online dating. After a long, long marriage, all I wanted was to find myself through sex, dating and intimacy. I wanted it all, and all at once!
The first thing you need to know is that I use the description ‘cougar’ with a cheeky dose of irony and tongue-in-cheek humour. In fact, visit the menu to find out more thoughts on what it means to me to use the word ‘cougar’ in the title of this blog.
Back then, I was variously labelled as a cougar, MILF, idealist, randy romantic, and non-traditional poly/RA chick fond of bending boundaries and questioning the status quo. I’d rejected all labels and was beginning the tumultuous journey of accepting myself just as I was – a mid-life woman on a mission to make the rest of my life count.
I was a suddenly single, excited and nervous digital dating virgin over 40, and I soon learned to play to my strengths in this volatile 21st Century world of dating and mating.
We are not invisible or pointless!
During my first year of online dating, I discovered the tantalising lure of younger men seeking cougars and MILFS, virtual sex, kinks – and the illusion of endless choice online. I’ve written about it in my book UNLEASHING THE COUGAR – ADVENTURES OF AN ONLINE DATING VIRGIN, which I’m honing and revising and then looking to publish. (If you’re an astute literary agent or publisher, I’d love to hear from you).
Here in this blog, I share stories and what I learn with you. I hope you’ll share too and give me feedback. I love hearing from readers and other bloggers!
My heartfelt memoirs document my transformation from eager ingénue new to the ever-changing lingo and etiquette, bad behaviour, undisclosed expectations and in-your-face dick pics!
Along the way, I questioned everything I’d always thought about relationships. Was I really cut out to be monogamous? I’d always struggled with attractions to other men, after all I was married at 21 years old! And so, on my search for intimacy, meaning and pleasure I explored alternatives to monogamy I admit, there was a certain ‘thumbing of the nose’ at relationship conventions.
I’m still interested in unpacking the notion of and social understandings behind monogamy, however, now I’m in a happy monogamous relationship. I’m both satisfied and genuinely settled. I’m finally off the apps and dating sites, and that’s nothing but a relief! I still adore thinkers and writers like Esther Perel and Dan Savage who explore relationships and help people through the quagmire of desire, infidelity and intimacy. And I’m still very much interested in the whole topic of post-internet dating and relationships, so I sometimes share other people’s writing on the topic. I still avidly read other people’s blogs about their journey and like to feel the international pulse of thought and feeling about dating.
In my reading and writing I’ve explored subjects like polyamory and relationship anarchy. I want to shine a light on the messages we’re given in our lives about what choices we have, what relationships should look like, and what we expect of our partners.
Here in this blog I also reflect on the thorny topic of age for women, tips and advice for people looking online for partners, but most of all, I still question everything and pull no punches about post-internet dating.
If you’re dating again after a long relationship has ended, or if you’re someone interested in modern dating, or especially a ‘cougar’ or a man or woman who loves them, I want to hear your feedback and stories.
PS – a word on posting frequency
My articles and memoirs are generally quite long and well researched. I used to post to a schedule but I found that difficult at times, because I need to gestate and allow the dust to settle. I’m also mindful of the awkward intersection between my lived experience and my writing subject matter.
This flows over into issues around privacy, and the ethics of writing for an audience about relationships – sometimes even as they’re unfolding.
It’s true that every blogger should have their niche, but when your niche is such a defining, complex and confusing aspect of your life (ie, sex and dating/relationships), you can’t always squeeze out an article just to satisfy some random idea that you’ll blog weekly.
So I prefer to post when it feels right, or when the urge for a new piece overtakes me, or when I have truly worthy words, thoughts and feelings to explore and share. Thanks for dropping by and I hope you’ll join me on my journey. Start at the bottom if you want to begin at the beginning – this story is my first.
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